Self Destruct - A Poem for when all seems lost

 You know that famous line in Hamilton?

"He is a powder keg about to explode". It's funny because sometimes I am the same, 

but only I am a self destruct button, waiting to implode. 

It's weird when your own brain and body are against you. 

My mind constantly tortured by switching moods. 

My body slowly breaking down, the pain, constant and extreme. 

I say it's fine because it is, mostly, as long as I don't breakdown. 

As long as the gears keep turning. I won't self-destruct. 

As much as I'd like to, I won't. 

Because there's those few persons out there.

They tell me not to, so i'll comply. 

It's strange, having your body fail you while your mind recovers. 

Just a self-destruct button, my finger on the trigger. 

Authors note: As a person dealing with chronic illness causing chronic pain, as well as healing my mentally ill brain, this poem is symbolic for me, it shows my love of theatre, my lack of faith in my body and how despite it all I am still here, strong as ever.